How to get over a divorce after a long marriage

by | Sep 22, 2023

Divorce is a painful and challenging process, especially when it comes after a long and seemingly unbreakable marriage. It can feel like your world is falling apart, leaving you with a mix of emotions and a lot of uncertainty. But here’s the truth: you can get through this. In this comprehensive guide, we’ll walk you through the journey of getting over a divorce after a long marriage, step by step.

Table of Contents:

Facing the Reality

Embarking on the journey of healing necessitates the initial step of confronting the stark reality of your divorce. Acknowledge, with unflinching candor, that this change is unfolding and grant yourself the grace to experience grief. Encountering emotions such as sadness, anger, and confusion is a natural and inherent part of this transitional period. However, it is essential to bear in mind that this period of tumult and adjustment is merely the commencement of a longer journey towards healing and self-discovery.

Coping with Emotional Turmoil

Divorce invariably ushers in a tumultuous whirlwind of varied emotions, ranging from the ache of heartbreak to the bitterness of resentment. In the face of such emotional upheaval, discovering and employing healthy coping mechanisms becomes paramount. Seeking therapy, engaging in reflective journaling, or confiding in a trusted friend or confidant can serve as invaluable pillars of support and avenues for processing your feelings during this challenging phase.

Building a Support System

Enduring this journey doesn’t necessitate isolation; rather, it’s vital to envelop yourself with a network of friends and family who exhibit genuine concern for your well-being. The cultivation of a robust support system can significantly contribute to bolstering your emotional resilience, providing both solace and strength during times of vulnerability and uncertainty.

Self-Care and Healing

Engaging in self-care is not an act of self-indulgence; rather, it is an indispensable element of healing and well-being. Make it a priority to nurture both your physical and mental health through regular exercise, nutritious eating, and adequate rest. Concentrate your energies on activities and pursuits that elicit feelings of joy and tranquility, fostering an environment conducive to healing and growth.

Finding a New Purpose

In the aftermath of divorce, embarking on the journey of rediscovering and redefining your sense of purpose becomes an essential endeavor. Embrace the opportunity to set new, meaningful goals, delve into unexplored interests, and conceptualize a vision for the future that ignites passion and excitement within you. This juncture in your life presents a unique and valuable opportunity for a rejuvenating fresh start.

The task of navigating the intricate web of legal and financial considerations that accompany divorce can be daunting and overwhelming. Proactively seeking the guidance of legal counsel and financial advisors is imperative to safeguarding your rights and laying the groundwork for a secure and stable future.

Co-Parenting After Divorce

In instances where children are involved, the task of co-parenting ascends to a central role in your post-divorce life. It becomes incumbent upon you to cultivate and maintain effective communication and cooperation with your ex-spouse, all in service of fostering a nurturing and stable environment for your children’s well-being and development.

Rediscovering Love and Intimacy

As the healing process unfolds, the prospect of reintroducing love and intimacy into your life may gradually come to the forefront of your thoughts. When you discern that readiness has dawned within you, venture forth into the realm of dating with an open heart. This venture signifies an enriching opportunity to explore novel connections and experiences, fostering a renewed sense of companionship and intimacy.


In conclusion, navigating the journey from acknowledging divorce to rediscovery is laden with challenges and growth opportunities. Facing the reality and navigating emotional turmoil are foundational steps in this healing journey. Establishing healthy coping mechanisms, a solid support system, and integrating self-care are indispensable. These steps lay the groundwork for healing and rediscovering purpose, allowing practical considerations and co-parenting to become achievable tasks. As healing progresses, opportunities to rediscover love and intimacy emerge, offering the chance for new connections and experiences. This demanding journey ultimately presents a unique opportunity for personal growth, self-discovery, and a fresh start filled with possibilities.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How long does it take to get over a divorce after a long marriage?

The process of healing is deeply personal and subjective, with individual experiences varying widely. It is not uncommon for the journey to span several months to several years, particularly after a long marriage. Patience is a virtue during this time, as allowing yourself to grieve, learn, and grow is essential to true healing.

Is it normal to still have feelings for my ex?

Absolutely, it is perfectly normal. Feelings, especially those fostered over a significant period, do not dissipate overnight. Time, reflection, and self-care are your allies in gradually moving forward and finding closure.

How do I deal with loneliness after divorce?

Countering loneliness post-divorce involves proactively nurturing your social connections and cultivating new hobbies and interests. By reaching out to friends, joining clubs or groups, and exploring new activities, you create opportunities to build relationships and find fulfillment.

Can I maintain a civil relationship with my ex-spouse?

Indeed, maintaining a civil relationship with your ex-spouse is certainly possible and can be beneficial, especially if children are involved. Clear and respectful communication, coupled with the establishment of healthy boundaries, are the keystones to achieving a harmonious dynamic.

What should I tell my children about the divorce?

Approaching this conversation requires honesty, coupled with age-appropriate explanations. It’s pivotal to reassure your children of your unwavering love and support, addressing their concerns and helping them navigate their feelings during this transition.

Is therapy necessary for healing after divorce?

While not universally necessary, therapy can be an incredibly beneficial avenue for many. It offers a confidential, supportive space to process complex emotions, gain insights, and develop coping strategies, thereby facilitating a more balanced perspective on the situation.

How can I rebuild my self-esteem?

Rebuilding self-esteem post-divorce involves a concerted focus on self-improvement and personal growth. Celebrate your achievements, however small they may seem, and actively surround yourself with positive influences. This reinforcement helps build a foundation of confidence and self-worth.

What are some common legal pitfalls to avoid during divorce?

During the divorce process, it’s imperative to avoid rushing decisions, concealing assets, and neglecting to seek professional legal advice. These missteps can lead to significant, costly mistakes, compromising your financial and legal standing.

When is it appropriate to start dating again?

There is no one-size-fits-all timeline for reentering the dating scene. The readiness to start dating is deeply personal and should be considered when you feel emotionally prepared, healed, and open to fostering new connections.

How do I introduce my new partner to my children?

Introducing a new partner to your children necessitates a thoughtful, gradual approach. It’s vital to ensure your children are comfortable, to communicate openly, and to prioritize their feelings and well-being throughout the introduction process.

What’s Next

Explore Mindphony’s Blog for More Insights:

  1. “Understanding Your Spouse During Separation”
  2. “Coping with an Unwanted Divorce”
  3. “Overcoming Marital Challenges Caused by Anxiety”

These insightful articles can provide you with further guidance and support as you navigate through the challenges of divorce and relationships.

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